37 Insane Blonde Jokes That’ll Make Your Day

Jokes should be a necessary part of our lives because it adds a great flavor that is absolutely vital for our mental and physical health. Here are some of the most exciting blonde jokes that will surely make you cringe.

Note: There are some dirty blonde jokes below, so be ready for that as well.

Blonde Jokes

37 Dumb Blonde Jokes

Here is the compilation of blonde jokes for you. So let’s start the proceedings.

1- A ginger tells her blonde friend she slept with a Brazilian. The blonde says: OMG you slut! How many is a Brazilian?
2- How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she’s pregnant.
3- A blonde comes home to find her husband cheating on her.
She grabs a gun an puts it to her head.
Husband: NO PLEASE I CAN MAKE THIS BETTER!
blonde: BE QUIET YOUR NEXT!
4- Never give a blonde these items:
Cone
Horse
Glue
Glitter
Butterflies
She will make a unicorn and feed it butterflies and glitter. Then she will go to the other end with her mouth wide open and wait for the candy to come out.

5- What do you call a zit on a blondes butt?
A brain tumor!
6- What is the mating call for a blonde?
I think I’m drunk!
7- What happens when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the trigger and throw it back.
8- A blonde goes into a library and slams a big book on the counter.
Blonde: THIS IS THE WORST BOOK EVER!!! IT HAS NO PLOT AND WAY TO MANY CHARACTERS!!!
Librarian: so you’re the one who took our phone book.

Dumb Blonde Jokes

9- A man was mowing his lawn when his blonde labor came out and looked in her mailbox. She slammed it shut and stormed inside. The man wondered what was wrong but didn’t say anything. The blonde came out five minutes later and did the same thing.
She did this 5 more times. Finally, the man asked her what was going on. The blonde said, “My computer keeps telling me I have mail!!!”
10- A police Officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it…
Cop: Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?
Blonde: I saw signs saying 22, not 65.
Cop: That’s the high way your on.
Blonde: Oh! Silly me I will make sure to be more careful thanks for telling me.
The cop looks in the back seat. There are two kids in the back shaking and white as ghosts.
Cop: Mam, Why are they shaking?
The blonde laughs. We were just on highway 119.

Read More: 72 Bad Jokes That Changes Your Mood Instantly

11- A redhead thought that her husband was cheating on her so she came home from work early and she found a woman’s car in her driveway. She burst inside and went looking for the women but couldn’t find her so she killed herself right in front of her husband. AS she was going up to heaven a blonde soul crashed into her. Sorry, the blonde said. How did you die the brunette asked. I froze to death the blonde replied you? The brunette told her story.
The blonde was silent finally she said…IF ONLY YOU HAD OPENED THE FREEZER WE WOULD BOTH BE ALIVE!
12- How do you keep a blonde busy?
You tell her to go to a corner in a circular room.
How does a blonde confuse you?
She tells you she found it.
13- A blonde decided to go ice fishing. She got all her things and went to the nearest place she could think of. When she got there she found a good spot and started to draw a circle with her knife. A.man came up and said you won’t find any fish there. So the blonde moved and again started carving a circle. The man came up and told her the same thing. So she moved again. She looked around for the man and when she couldn’t see him began to make a circle. The man then came from behind her and told her she had to leave. She asked why. Its because this is an ice rink and a high game is about to start.
14- A blond went into a store and asked the man at the front desk if she could have the t.v. In the corner. The man said sorry I don’t serve blondes. So the blonde went outside and put on a brown wig. She came back in and asked can I have the t.v. The man said I don’t serve blondes. So she went back outside and put a red wig on. Sh went in and asked again. Don’t serve blondes he said again. She took off the wig and threw it on the floor. How did you know I was a blonde!? Because of thats a microwave.
15- A brunette and a blonde were walking on a sidewalk when the brunette said to look a dead bird! So the blond looked up!
16- How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
You tell her to count the stairs on an escalator!

Funny Blonde Jokes

17- A brunette a blonde and a redhead were stranded on an island. The nearest homeland was 50 miles out. The brunette swam 10 miles out got tired and swam back. The redhead swam 30 miles got tired and swam back. The blonde went the whole 50 miles got tired and swam back. lol!
18- Three blondes were going on a hike and they see some tracks. The first blond says they must be rabbit tracks.
The second blonde says no way they are obviously deer tracks! The third blonde says your both wrong they are elephant tracks! They argued with each other for about 15 minutes, when the second blonde says went don’t we follow the tracks and see where they go? So the blondes follow the takes for about 4 minutes…that’s when the train came!
19- One day a blonde and her husband were watching t.v.
The blonde sat there for a while and finally said you know without electricity we would be sitting here watching t.v. In the dark!
Her husband laughed so hard he peed his pants!
20- A girl was so blonde that she butt dialed herself and answered it.
21- A blonde a brunette and a ginger were on top if a burning building. The firemen below held out a blanket and told them to jump one by one. The brunette went first. She jumped and missed the blanket and died. The redhead went second. She jumped and vaguely missed the blanket by an inch and died. When it was the blondes turn she looked at the firemen and thinking she was being smart she said just lay the blanket on the ground then I’ll jump!
22- Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She was throwing all the W’s away!
23- A blonde and a brunette were driving to the store. The blond was driving and the brunette was playing on her phone. The car came to a stop and the blonde waited for it to turn green. She waited and waited. Why I’d it faltering so long!? She asked. The brunette looked up from her phone and said its because stop signs don’t turn green.
24- A blonde goes into a gas station and asks the front employee if she can have a hanger our something because she locked herself out of her car. The man faces her a hanger and she wants outside. A few minutes later the employee went outside to check on the blondes progress. When he approved the car he saw another blonde inside coaching. No a little more to the left she said.
25- Brunet: I wanna be the first women president!
Red Head: I want to be the one to cure cancer!
Blonde: I wanna be the first one on the sun!
Brunet: But it’s too hot!
Redhead: You’ll die!
Blonde: Don’t be stupid! I will go at night, duh!

Dirty Blonde Jokes

26- There was a conference meeting with a brunet leading a blonde a redhead and a bunch of other people listening. The brunet would clap her hands every once and a while for silence. Then she stood on the petal stool and said every time I clap my hands a child dies of gun control. There was silence for a long time. The Blonde broke the silence. She stood up feeling quite proud she said then stop clapping your hands dumbass!!!
27- A blonde was stock of all the blonde jokes so she died her hair. One day she was on a drive and saw a sheepherder she stopped and called him over. Hey, mister, she said if I can guess how many sheep you have can I have one?
Sure! The man said.
The blonde looked at the herd…347 she said.
That’s exactly the number the man said go ahead pick a sheep.
The blonde grabbed a black one and was about to go when the man said how about another deal? If I can guess your true hair color can I have my dog back?
28- If a blonde and a brunette are on top of a tall building and jump off at the same time which one will get to the bottom first?
The brunette will because the blond will have to ask directions!
29- A blond a redhead and a brunette were stranded on an island and a genie shows up and says: ” I am here to grant you each a wish”
The brunette went first…” I wish I was back home with my family” She said.
So the gene waved his arm and POOF! The brunette was gone.
The redhead went next…” I wish that I was home” She wished.
So the gene waved his arm and POOF! The redhead was gone.
It was now the blonds turn to make a wish. She thought about her wish very carefully for hours and hours. After a while the blond got bored and suddenly said ” I wish my friends were here”
POOF! The Redhead and the brunette were back on the island.
POOF! The gene was gone.
The blond smiled.

30- What do you call a brunette between two blondes?…… An interpreter!
31- A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up…you’re next!”
32- A blonde and her friend are having lunch when the blondes cell phone starts ringing. And it rings and it rings and it rings. Finally, her friend asked her if she was going to answer her phone? The blonde answered that can’t be my phone ringing. No one knows I’m here.
33- Two blondes were driving to Disneyland and saw a sign that said Disneyland left so they drove home crying.
34- How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday!
35- A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”
36- ok so a blonde called her husband at work and asked, “honey, when u get home can u help me this jigsaw puzzle? I cant find any of the edges” “sure. what does it have on the front of the box?” the husband asks, “a big rooster” the blonde replies. so the husband gets home and says, “honey put the corn flakes back in the box”
37- What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine you can drop a load in the washing machine and it doesn’t complain.

So these are the some of the best blonde jokes we have compiled after a lot of hard work. I hope you have enjoyed it our Blonde Jokes Package. Visit Jokes Company to get the unlimited jokes.

 

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