If you want to keep yourself fit and healthy, then you must have to add humor to your life. This will definitely release your stress and make you feel happy and better for sure. Not only that but also make a routine to add good and clean jokes in your conversation.
Definitely, clean jokes will add some great flavor to your personality and no one will ever get bored with your company. But the point is where you get the funny and good jokes?
So, jokes Company is the place where you will get tons of jokes including, good jokes, corny jokes, funny jokes, bad jokes, clean jokes, dirty jokes, blonde jokes, yo mama jokes, and many others.,
Good & Clean Jokes for Kids
Here are some of my all-time favorite clean jokes for you. Not only good jokes but also you can get some of the craziest bad jokes here.
1- “My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.”
2- “Why did the tree run from the chainsaw? Because he said the wood”
3- “What’s the difference between try and triumph?
A little umph”
4- “What did the flag say to the flagpole?
Nothing it just waved”
5- “A human officer gives out parking tickets. A k-9 officer gives out barking tickets”
6- “Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?”
7- “Being a trash collector is an easy job to learn. You just pick it up as you go along”
8- “To the guy who invented zero: Thanks for nothing!”
9- “My goal for 2018 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 15 to go”
10- “A woman found a magic lamp on the beach, rubbed it, and out popped a genie. “Ask me anything and it’s yours!” She thought a moment and then said, “I want my husband to pay more attention to me, to protect me, to take me out frequently, to sleep close to me, and to be more caring, even if I get a tiny scratch.” “No problem.” And poof! she was a smartphone!”
11- “Better days are coming. They are called Saturday and Sunday”
12- “Take your dog for a walk in the summer it’s a hot dog
. Take your dog for a walk in the winter it’s a chili dog”
13- “A blonde and a brunette go to a pastry shop.
The Blonde whisks three cookies into her pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn’t notice.
The blonde says to the Brunette: “You see how clever I am..? You’ll never beat that..!”
The brunette says to the blonde: “Watch this, a brunette is always more clever than a blonde.”
She says to the baker, “Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick..!” The baker gives her the cookie which the brunette promptly eats.
Then she says to the baker: “Give me another cookie for my magic trick. The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to her. She eats this one too. Then she says again: “Give me one more cookie… “
The baker is getting angry now but gives her one anyway. The brunette eats this one too. Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: “And where is your famous magic trick?”
The Brunette says: “Look in the blonde’s pocket.”
14- “I thought I made a mistake once…but I was wrong.”
15- “Why are Frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them”
16- “I almost got bucked off a horse today…what a close-call…I mean I could have broken my neck! Thank GOD that nice lady at Wal-Mart pulled the plug! WHEW!!!”
17- “My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said:”At the end of this ruler is an idiot!!” I got detention after I asked her which end she was referring to”
18- “Dumb Kentucky Laws:
.It’s illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
.Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.).
.All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1948)
.It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground.”
.It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.”
19- “A cannibal went for a walk and he passed his brother.”
Long & Funny Clean Jokes
From here on words, you will get really interesting clean jokes that you haven’t seen anywhere. So, stay focused to get the funniest clean jokes.
20- “Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys.
They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all.
“Hello My Love”, I stammered; I always call him “My Love” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice. He barked, “I dropped you off!”
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”
He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your stupid car”!!!”
21- “A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
“Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.”
“I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes,” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Goodbye, Mother? It would make me feel so much better.”
“Sure,” answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye, Mother!”
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
“How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!”
“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.” “
22- “A boy walks into a strip club and later his mom finds out and she says,”Did you see anything you weren’t supposed to see?” The boy says,”Yeah… I saw dad!” “
23- “How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he gets money, a car, and three college credit hours for it!”
24- “A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short time afterward, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he leads him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog “the sign says you have to be good with a computer.” The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can’t give you the job.” The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said “yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual.” The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, “Meow!” ”
25- “Three guys are at a golf club and a cell phone rings. One of them picks it up.
“Honey, are you at the golf club?”, asks the voice over the phone.
“I saw this amazing leather jacket recently at the mall, but it’s $1000. Can we get it?”
“I also passed by a car for sale which has the amazing mileage! However, it’s $90,000. Can we PLEASE get it???”
“One more thing, I glimpsed a house as I left work, and it is so huge and amazing! The bid was at $900,000, and no one’s there to make another bid. Can we get it?”
“Why not, honey?”
“Thank you! I love you!”
The other two men are astonished as to what he did. He places the phone back down and says, “Anyone knows whose phone this is?” “
“The soldiers had a hard day of labor and were glad to get back to their beds at night. Suddenly, gunfire and grenades are exploding everywhere. It seemed as if though all of Al Quaeda was attacking! A sergeant quickly runs up to the attacking perimeter guard and screams, “WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON, PRIVATE!?”
He replies with a shaken voice, “Big Snake, sir…” ”
26- “A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked
up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would
like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have
mercy! I can’t give
you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll
lose my license!
They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked a t the picture and replied, “Well now,
that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription….DWL”
27- “Why is a bees hair sticky?
Because… he uses a honeycomb!”
28- “A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party. She brought him a little cup of “tea” which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, “Just the cutest thing!” Mom waited, and sure enough, here she comes down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, “You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!”
29- “Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Do you smell carrots?!”
30- “A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally, they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called ‘Yam’. They warned her about going out and half-baked, so she wouldn’t get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like ‘Hot Potato,’ and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
She would get plenty of exercises so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins, greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn’t get scalloped. She saw those high-class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, ‘Frito Lay.’ Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that’s Potato University ). So that when she graduated she’d really be in the Chips.”
31- “One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find that her 7-year-old grandson made her coffee. Smiling, she choked down the worst cup of her life. When she finished, she found three little green Army men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked, “Honey, what are these Army men doing in my coffee?” Her grandson answered, “Like it says on TV, Grandma. ‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in you’re cup” “
32- “When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily
ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.”
“Your mother’s side or your father’s?” I asked.
“Neither,” he replied. “It’s from my wife’s family.”
“Oh, come now,” I said. “How could your wife’s family give you
high blood pressure?”
He sighed. “You oughta meet her mother sometime, Doc!” ”
33- “The new salesman had just completed his training and was anxious to put his skills to work. He took his Hoover vacuum cleaner to the front door of a house and rang the bell. A rather unpleasant woman answered. Before she could say anything he threw a pile of cow patties in the door behind her onto the rug. “Lady,” he said, “If this vacuum cleaner doesn’t clean up all those cow patties, I’ll eat them myself.”
“I’ll get you a spoon,” scowled the lady. “Our electricity hasn’t been turned on, yet.” ”
34-“The other day it was so hot…
“How hot was it?”
It was so hot… All the corn in the fields popped. The cows all thought it was snow and lay down and froze to death!”
35-“A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.
So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, “I’m in deep trouble now!” Then he noticed some bones on the ground close and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.”
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.
“Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund nearly had me.”
Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.
But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.”
Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet. And, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says:
“Where’s that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.” ”
36- “Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I ‘d like to ride in that helicopter”.
Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars — and fifty dollars is fifty dollars”.
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, “Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.”
Esther replied, “Morris that helicopter is fifty dollars — and fifty dollars is fifty dollars”.
The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won’t charge you! But if you say one word, it’s fifty dollars.”
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!”
Morris replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know — fifty dollars is fifty dollars.””
37- “When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me. After a while, my mom said, “Just use a freaking spoon, Bob. You’re not a Jedi.” ”
38- “OMG!….I was in the public restroom – I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall: “Hi, how are you?”
Me: embarrassed, “Doin’ fine!”
Stall: “So what are you up to?”
Me: “Uhhh, I’m like you, just sitting here.”
Stall: “Can I come over?”
Me: (attitude) “No, I’m a little busy right now!!”
Stall: “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!”
39- “Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
…There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone.
the guy says: “OK, now what?”
40- “If Life Were Like A Computer:
You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.
You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!
You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.
You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.
You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.
To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!
If you mess up your life, you could always press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all over!”
So I hope you have enjoyed our package of good and clean jokes. We have done great research in making this compilation of funny clean jokes and please give us your reviews in our comment box.