Engineering is not a piece of piece of cake for anyone and it requires a lot of hard work, and struggle to become an engineer. But still, people make some of the funniest engineering jokes and that’s awesome. Nowadays, jokes about engineers have become a great trend and these cute engineering jokes are right at the top of the jokes chart.
So keeping that in mind, we have also extracted an opportunity to make crazy engineering jokes and puns for all of you. Indeed our engineering jokes list is quite different from the rest as we have spent quite a few hours in selecting the best engineering jokes for you.
Without a doubt, the people who have good engineering humor will definitely enjoy all these fantastic engineering jokes. So just scroll down to get the hilarious civil engineering jokes, mechanical engineering jokes, chemical engineering jokes and electrical engineering jokes.
So, here we go…
Best Engineering Jokes Ever
These are some of the best engineering jokes for every one of you. So, let’s get started.
“Three engineers and three mathematicians
are on a train going to a conference. The mathematicians each bought a ticket. The engineers have one between them. As the conductor starts through the train car, the engineers all rush off and jump into the small lavatory.
The conductor knocks on the door of the lavatory and says “Ticket, please.” At which point the engineers slide the one ticket through a ventilation slot and the conductor punches it. The mathematicians think this looks like a good trick and decide to try it on the train ride back home.
As the mathematicians board the train they have one ticket between them. The engineers have no ticket!
After a while, one of the engineers says, “Here comes the conductor!” So all three mathematicians jump up and run into the lavatory with their one ticket.
One of the engineers goes to the lavatory door and says Ticket, please.”
“An engineer is a fellow that takes a measurement with a micrometer,
marks it with a crayon,
and cuts it with an axe.”
“Three men were sentenced to be executed by guillotine; a priest, a Muslim, and an engineer.
first was the priest and he asked that he face upwards so he could look at Heaven and his Creator. his wish was granted and the blade fell but stopped 1/2 inch from his neck. the executioner said since the guillotine spared him, so was his life and he was allowed to leave.
next was the Muslim and he asked that he also be allowed to face upwards to look to Allah before his death. again the guillotine stopped just short and his life was spared as well.
The engineer was last and he too asked to face upwards given what happened with the first two. as he lay there, he looked up at the mechanism and said, Aha, I see the problem!”
Check it Out: Corny Knock Knock Jokes
“A program manager has been working for his team extra hard and as a small reward offers to take two of the engineers out to lunch. Walking to the restaurant they trip over a magic lamp and out pops a genie offering them each one wish. The first engineer asks for a yacht in the Pacific with $1 million on board and 20 beautiful girls. Poof! He is off to his yacht in the Pacific. The second engineer says that sounds great! Ill have the same, except put my yacht in the Caribbean. Poof! He is off to his yacht in the Caribbean. And what is your wish the genie asks the program manager? I want those two back at work in 30 minutes.”
“So an architect and an engineer were in a bar, and the architect, holding up his glass, asks:
“Half-full? Or half-empty? I see it as half-full…”
The engineer ponders a second before replying:
I see a liquid containment device twice as big as it needs to be.”
“A mathematician and an engineer agreed to a psychological experiment.
The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room.
The psychologist explains, “You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the woman on the bed.”
The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. “What? I’m not going to go through this
. You know I’ll never reach the bed!” And he gets up and storms out.
The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the engineer in. He explains the situation, and the engineer’s eyes light up and he starts drooling.
The psychologist is a bit confused.
“Don’t you realize that you’ll never reach her?”
The engineer smiles and replies, Off course! But I’ll get close enough!”
Funny Math Jokes and Puns
“An artists, an architect, and an engineer were at the bar discussing the relative values and enjoyment of mistresses and wives.
The artists decided, ‘I would much rather have my mistress! It is always exciting and a little bit naughty and different.’
The architect said, ‘I much prefer my wife. I like the stability and certainty.’
The engineer said, ‘I like to have both. That way, my wife can think I’m with my mistress, my mistress can think I’m with my wife, and I can get back to the plant to get some work done.”
“A software developer, a hardware engineer
, and a mid-level manager were on their way to a conference center located near the top of a mountain. After the conference, they were driving down the steep mountain road and suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
“I know,” said the manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”No, no,” said the hardware engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all, I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way”. “Well,” said the software developer, Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back to the top of the mountain and see if it happens again.”
“An engineer, physicist, and mathematician at a convention were asleep in their hotel rooms when a disgruntled hotel employee struck.
First, he quietly opened the door to the Engineer’s room, dropped a lit match into the trash can, and crept out quietly. A few minutes later, the engineer woke up, smelled smoke, and saw the trash can on fire. He ran out the door, down the hall to the fire hose, crashed a chair through the glass, reeled out the hose to his room, and let loose, drenching the whole room.
Next, the disgruntled employee struck the physicist’s room. The physicist woke up, smelled smoke, saw the trash can on fire, thought for a moment, walked over to the sink, unwrapped a glass, filled it with water, walked over to the burning trash can, splooshed it into the trash can, putting out the fire, then went back to sleep.
Next, the disgruntled hotel employee hit the mathematician’s room. The mathematician woke up, smelled smoke, looked over to see the trash can on fire, thought for a moment, and then declared, “the solution is trivial,” and went back to sleep!”
Crazy Yo Momma Jokes
“What happens when an engineer gets married and his fellow engineers decide to rig up his car? There are the usual rocks in his hubcaps (I’m dating myself here) and cans trailing behind with the added touch of being fastened with stainless steel cable with nicropressed joints, making it as difficult to cut as security cables. Flashcube bulbs (I’m dating myself again) with alligator clips attached can be hooked up to your circuits of choice under the dash, with self-extinguishing electrical tape on them to produce just the right amount of flash and smoke. 6×6 blocks of wood lovingly trimmed to support the driven wheels via their suspension links just a hair above the pavement, for that zero traction effect. Small voltage electrolytic capacitors placed in reverse polarity (work even better across the A.C. line) in a circuit, such as a starter, go off like a firecracker. A word of caution, make sure they are shielded so flying pieces don’t hurt anyone. It is prudent to have a fire extinguisher handy just in case. A few diodes can be used to hook up the horn relay to select circuits. Then there’s the old confetti in the air ducts with the blower wired to high. For those with a larger budget supplemented by a collection, industrial forklifts or loaders can be rented to place the vehicle in the oddest places. The RF remote controlled fart machine can also be a hoot during the reception though it is considered in bad taste during the ceremony. And of course, remember to record it all in HD for repeated enjoyment. You may not want to talk about this kind of “government project” on your dates through”
“Comprehending Engineers-Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, ”Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”
Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”
The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer said, look; I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking Frog… that’s cool!!!”
“There once was a young engineer, who has worked for several years, decided that he and his family should have a weekend getaway place. He searched the surrounding country and found a lovely spot with frontage on a small river. They built a cabin and began spending time there every chance they got. The kids loved it, and friends came for the quiet and fishing.
The engineer, however, wanted something unique for his cabin.
He had been an award-winning pole vaulter in college. He, therefore, built a set of poles with a crosspiece and a mulched run. He bought a new carbon fiber vaulting pole, new shoes, and was set. He would set off down the run, plant his pole, soar over the crosspiece, and land in the river with a satisfying splash. What a great way to spend a hot afternoon. He tried to teach a few friends to vault, with no success.
He enjoyed his cabin for years and went out early in the spring one year. It had been a very wet winter, lots of rain afterward. When the family arrived, the river was up and flowing at a good clip, with twice the usual current flowing. The engineer was determined to enjoy a few vaults into the water, but his wife didn’t think it was safe. But, he was a good swimmer and proceeded to have a go at it.
His run and jump were flawless, he hit the water in good form, but upon surfacing, he was swept downstream and disappeared. His body was found later that day, tangled in streamside debris. It was a sad end for the engineer, and the family sold the cabin, with no desire to return to the scene of such tragedy.
Our lamented engineer was a Civil Engineer. Had he consulted one of his Electrical Engineer brethren, he would have been warned that It’s not voltage that kills you, it’s current!”
“Around the turn of the last century, a very famous electrical engineer gave up his trade and decided to travel around the world and discover other cultures. On his way back through the US, he stumbled upon a very poor and isolated Navajo village. He was so awed that his fellow Americans could be living in such destitution, that he sought out the Chief, to see what he could do to help. After several hours, the engineer finally succeeded in explaining the concept of electricity to the Chief, he implored the Chief to think of some way to implement the new technology.
After a few minutes, the Chief scratched his head and said, “Well, you know the outhouse is very cold and dark in the winter. Perhaps a light bulb would make that a better place for our people.
Needless to say, the engineer fulfilled the request, and became the first tourist to wire ahead for a reservation.”
“A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field.”
“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.
“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information.
“The man below says, “You must be a planner.”
“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, you don’t know where you are, or where you are going, and you have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”
So, these are our best compilation of funny engineering jokes and puns for you. For more corny jokes, visit Jokes Company other pages.
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