Funniest Irish Jokes, Puns, Riddles & Pick Up Lines For You

Irish Riddles

Without a doubt, the humor level of Irish people is quite good. Therefore, It is always a fun to crack Irish jokes in a gathering or meetup. Not only the Irish Jokes, but puns are also quite people among many people.

So, keeping that in mind, we have made a fantastic package of funniest Irish jokes, pus, riddles and pick up lines for all of you.

So, let’s get started.

Note: These Irish jokes are for pure fun. We are here to share happiness not o disrespect anyone.Best Irish Jokes

Best Irish Jokes & Humor:

Here are some of the best Irish jokes for you.

“I’ve just seen Paddy in the local newsagent and one of his shoelaces was undone, so I said, “watch out you don’t trip up over your laces, Paddy.”
Paddy says, “yeah, it’s these bloody instructions.”
I said, “what instructions, Paddy?”
Paddy says, “underneath the shoe, it says ‘Taiwan’.” “
“Paddy was asked by a census taker if he had any running water in his house.
“We used to have “, he replied, ” but we had the roof fixed a few years ago” “

Funny Ginger Jokes and Puns

“An Irishman walked into a bar and ordered nineteen pints of Guinness which he drank one after the other.
“why do you have to drink so many pints?” a man at the bar asked him.
“see then sign over there?” said the Irishman. “it says “nobody severed under eighteen “.”

Irish Jokes

“Corkman:” do you spend all day getting up that ladder”?
Kerryman:” no, half the time I come down ” “
“Paudie goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness.
The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.
When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone.
The barman says: โ€œWow! You sure drank those fast.โ€
Paudie explains: “You would drink fast too if you had what I have.โ€
The barman asks: โ€œWhat do you have?โ€
The guy reaches into his pocket and says: โ€œFifty cents!โ€ “

Funny Poop Jokes

“Paddy had downed 4 pints of Smithys, 4 pints of Guinness and 3 whiskeys, his money had run out…but poor Paddy wanted a few more. he thought and thought of a way to get a few more Euros
He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note.
“I have kidnapped your dog.
I am sorry to do this, but I need the money.
Leave 500 euros in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree, in the park in 2 hours time, “Signed, Paddy from Cork.”
He pinned the note inside the little dog’s collar and told the dog to go straight home.
Two hours later Paddy returned to the park to find the 500 euros in a brown bag behind the big oak tree just as he had instructed.ย 
Inside the bag was the following note …
“Here is your money .. I CANNOT believe that one Paddy would do this to another Paddy, signed “the dog-owner” ”

Irish Joke of the Day

Check our Irish joke of the day.

“An Englishman, Scotsman, and an Irishman were in the pub on a hot day and they discussed the heat of the desert. So they decided what they would take if they were stranded in the desert.
The Englishman said: “I would take a shovel. Then I could dig for water.”
The Scotsman said: “I would take an umbrella. Then I could use it as a shade and if it rained, collect water.”
The Irishman said: “I would take a car door.”
“Whatever for?” the other two asked him.
“Because if it got too hot… I could wind the window down.” “

Irish Puns

“A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”, asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”
The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”. “

Funny Deez Nuts Jokes

“Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”
The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”
The first guy says, “So am I! And whereabouts from Ireland might you be?”
The other guy answers, “I’m from Dublin, I am.”
The first guy responds, “Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?”
The other guy says, “A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.”
The first guy says, “Faith & it’s a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?”
The other guy answers, “Well now, I went to St. Mary’s of course.”
The first guy gets really excited, and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”
The other guy answers, “Well, now, I graduated in 1964.”
The first guy exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self.”
About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head & mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight.”
The guy asks, “Why do you say that?”
“The Murphy twins are drunk again.” “

“An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are the only survivors of a plane crash in the desert. Though the ordeal has bonded them like brothers they’re all now dying of thirst. It looks like it’s all over until they find a magic lamp!
“I’ll give each of you two wishes,” says the genie.
The Englishman knows exactly what he wants. “I wish for a pint of ice cold lager and to be back home in Aylesbury where I belong!”
“Done!” Bellows the genie, and the last thing the Scot and the Paddy see is the Englishman taking a big swig of Kronenbourg as he disappears.
“Alright, who’s next?”
“Me!” Shouts the Scot. “I want a bottle of Irn Bru and to be back home with my wife and bairn in Dundee.”
The genie waves his hand and the Scot fades from existence greedily quaffing his vile orange piss.
“And yourself?” Asks the genie of the Irishman. Paddy thinks for a moment.
“How about a big bottle of whiskey?” The bottle appears before him almost instantaneously.
“And your second wish?”
“Ah Jaysis? It’s no good without company. I want my two best friends back to enjoy it with me!” “

More Irish Jokes For You

Here are some more Irish jokes and pick up lines for you.

“Paddy went into a pet shop and told the assistant that he wanted a new mirror for his pet budgie.
“Would you like a large one or small one sir ?” asked the assistant.
“I don’ t rightly know “‘ said Paddy.
“Why not bring him into the shop sir?” said the assistant,” and we”ll try him out in front of a few mirrors and see which one he likes best “.
“That would never do “, said Paddy .” it’s for his birthday and I want it to be a surprise”.”

Cutest Jokes Ever

“Mick went to the doctor and told him he had just swallowed a bone.
“Are you choking?” the doctor asked him.
“No “, said Mick, ” I’m serious “. “
“Paddy and Mick saw some men cutting down trees. “That’s the job for us, Mick,” Paddy said and went over to ask about it. When he came back, he told Mick they couldn’t do it.
“Why ever not?” asked Mick.
“They said they want tree fellers and to be sure there’s only the two of us.” ”
“Quizmaster:” Who was the first woman in the world?”
Seamus: “I don’t know”
Quizmaster” ” I’ll give you a clue- she had something to do with an apple “
Seamus:”Would it be Granny Smith ?” “
“A Kerryman asked a Dubliner how he was so smart.” it’s our diet”, said the Dubliner, ” and if you give me ยฃ50 sell you some food that will make you smart too “
” Done, ” said the Kerryman, so the Dubliner sold him a pound of Dublin Bay prawns for ยฃ50 and the Kerryman ate them. When the Kerryman had bought the third batch of prawns for ยฃ50 he said to the Dubliner, ” Hold on a minute, I can buy those for ยฃ5 a pound in Moore Street”.
“right”, said the Dubliner, “just look how smart you’re getting already.” “
“An Irishman took his best suit in to be dry-cleaned. As he was to collect it he happened to notice that there was a large soup stain on the front. When he pointed this out to the assistant she said to him ” You can’t hold us responsible for that. It was there when you brought it in! ” “
“Mick was out of work so he went around from house to house asking if there any jobs to be done. One fellow felt sorry for him so he gave him a pot of yellow paint and a brush and told him to paint his porch yellow from top to bottom. About an hour later Mick, dripping in the paint, came around for his money and said, ” The job is finished. oh, and by the way that’s not a Porsche, it’s Mercedes” “
“An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks: “Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?”The Irishman replies: “No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both.”The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys. The barman asks: “Did something happen one of your brothers?” “Oh no,” replies the Irishman. “I just decided to quit drinking!” “
“Two Irishmen were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car’s indicators are working.
He promptly sticks his head out the window and says: “Yes,no,yes,no,yes,no,yes,no” “
“Mick and Paddy are walking along when Mick falls down a manhole. Paddy shouts down: “What shall I do?” Mick barks back: “Call me an ambulance!”
Paddy then jumps up and down screaming: “Mick is an ambulance, Mick is an ambulance.” “
“Sean and Mick were complaining about how lazy their sons were.
” look at my fellow”, said Sean ” he’s so lazy he just sits looking at the television all day “
” so does my fellow”, said Mick, ” but he’s too lazy even to switch it on” “
“Policeman to Irishman:” what’s your name?”
Irishman:” Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Mick-it’s Mick ” ”ย 
” “A tourist arrived at an Irish hotel. The porter took his bags and said to him. “Follow me, sir, I’ll be right behind you” ”ย 
“Two Irishmen were working on a building site and one day the first Irishman’s wife arrived to see him while he was climbing up a ladder with half a ton of concrete blocks on his back.
“Don’t turn round? ?” said the second Irishman ” but look who’s behind you” ”ย 
“It’s Monday and new joke:
Paddy:”What is that on your leg?”
Mick:”A birthmark “
Paddy:” How long have you had it” “
“Two Irishmen were escaping from jail so each of them hid up separate trees. As the police came by with tracker dogs to the first tree on of them shouted out ” who’s there?”
” Miaow , Miaow ” went the first Irishman
” come away,” said the policeman ” that’s only a cat out there”
They went to the second tree and the policeman shouted: ” who’s up there ?”
” Another cat, ” said the second Irishman”
“Have you heard about the Irishman who wouldn’t buy a Japanese transistor radio because he wouldn’t be able to understand what they were saying ?”
“During a flight from Dublin to London a businessman in the non-smoking section of the aircraft felt the need for a smoke.
As there were several vacant seats in the smoking area he asked the hostess if he could change seats. She allowed him to do so and he found himself next to a talkative Irishman.
it’s nice to meet you ” said the Irishman. “did you get on just now” ”

So, these are the most hilarious Irish Jokes for you. For more jokes, Visit JokesCompany.com

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