Indeed, there are different types of jokes and everyone has their own priorities but the little johnny jokes have a special place for all of you. Without any doubt, you have to admit that these little johnny jokes are the most trendy jokes apart from hilarious knock-knock jokes, dad jokes, yo momma jokes and dirty jokes.
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Indeed, Little Johnny Jokes at school is the undoubtedly the most exciting part and that’s why we have added a number of best little johnny jokes so that you enjoy at your fullest.
“One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his backyard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. “Hello Johnny, what are you up to?” he asked. “My goldfish died and I’m gonna bury him,” Johnny replied. “That’s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” asked the neighbor. “That’s because he’s inside your cat!” “
“Fred and Mary got married, but can’t afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred’s parent’s home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred’s little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, “No”. Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think?” His mom replies, “I don’t want to hear what you think! Just go to school.” Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, “Are Fred and Mary up yet?” She replies, “No.” Johnny says, “Do you know what I think?” His mom replies, “Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.” After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, “Are Fred and Mary up yet?” His mom says “No.” He asks, “Do you know what I think?” His Mom replies, “Ok, do tell me what you think?” He says: “Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.” “
“Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn’t punish him?” Little Johnny replies, “Because George was the one holding the ax?”
“One day at the end of class, little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.” When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, “Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket.” Little Lucy went next. “My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.
Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” Next up was little Johnny. “My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam War, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun, and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands.” The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. “Well,” Johnny replied, “Don’t fuck with Uncle Ted when he’s been drinking.” “
“Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?” “But Dad, it wasn’t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That’s when she hit me!” “Johnny,” the father said. “You don’t do that kind of things to women.” Sure enough, the very next Sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny’s father said, Johnny, I thought we had a talk!” “But Dad,” Johnny said, “It wasn’t my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn’t like this, so I pushed it back in!”
“Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?” Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!” “
“Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.” “
“A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!” After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?” “No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!” “
“A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie? ” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.” “
“A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.” The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons, and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped. I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “It’s something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time.” Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, “Quick! Spit’em out! They’re assholes!” “
“A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it” responded the Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then…good night,” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!” “
“Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, ‘Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.’
Little Johnny replied, ‘My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.’
The man asked, ‘Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?’
Little Johnny answered, ‘No, he minded his own business!’”
“Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’
Little Johnny waves his hand, ‘Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!’
Miss Rogers: ‘All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?’
Little Johnny says, ‘Mas-tur-bate.’
Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful.’
Little Johnny says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob’.”
“Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
‘Why?’ asks the father.
‘The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’
I said ‘6’
‘But that’s right!’
‘Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’
‘What’s the fucking difference?’ asks the father.
‘That’s what I said!’”
“Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. ‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me, she told him.
‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?
He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb’s still broken.”
“The Wife Came Home Early From Work And Found Her Husband In Bedroom Doing Love To A Very Attractive Young Woman.
She Cried: “You Are A Disrespectful Pig! How Dare You Do This to Me — A Faithful Wife, The Mother Of Your Children! I’m Leaving You. I Want A Divorce Right Away!”
Husband Replied: “Hang On Just A Minute Love So At Least I Can Tell You What Happened.”
She Sobbed: “Fine, Go Ahead, But They’ll Be the Last Words You’ll Say to Me!”
And The Husband Began –
Well, I Was Getting Into The Car To Drive Home, And This Young Lady Here Asked Me For A Lift.
She Looked So Down And Out And Defenseless That I Took Pity On Her And Let Her Into The Car.
I Noticed That She Was Very Thin, Not Well Dressed And Very Dirty. She Told Me That She Hadn’t Eaten For Three Days.
So, In My Compassion, I Brought Her Home and Warmed up the Enchiladas I Made for You Last Night, The Ones You Wouldn’t Eat Because You’re Afraid You’ll Put On Weight.
Since She Needed A Good Clean-Up, I Suggested A Shower, And While She Was Doing That, I Noticed Her Clothes Were Dirty And Full Of Holes, So I Threw Them Away.
Then, As She Needed Clothes, I Gave Her The Designer Jeans That You Have Had For A Few Years, But Don’t Wear Because You Say They Are Too Tight.
I Also Gave Her The Underwear That Was Your Anniversary Present, Which You Don’t Wear Because I Don’t Have Good Taste.
I Found The Sexy Blouse My Sister Gave You For Christmas That You Don’t Wear Just To Annoy Her, And I Also Donated Those Boots You Bought At The Expensive Boutique And Don’t Wear Because Someone At Work Has A Pair The Same.
The Husband Took A Quick Breath and Continued: “She Was So Grateful For My Understanding And Help That As I Walked Her To The Door, She Turned To Me With Tears In Her Eyes And Said,
Please … Do You Have Anything Else That Your Wife Doesn’t Use? “
“A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does
anything he tells it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car, “Car, go and bring me
children from school.”
The car went and didn’t return in time as expected, they knew
something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive. He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said, “These are your children, sir”.
In the car were their Landlady’s two daughters, their choir mistress’s two sons, his wife’s best friend’s daughter, their pastor’s son and their neighbor’s two sons.
The wife who was angry shouted at her husband, “Don’t tell me all these are your children!”
The man asked her calmly, “Can you first tell me why our children are not in the car?”
“One day during the family lunch the youngest son Paul asks his father:
– Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?
Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question:
– Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?
– Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, – tells the wife
Daddy turns to his teenage daughter:
– Maria, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million $?
– Surely! He is my fantasy, his posters are all over the walls of my room.
Daddy turns to his eldest son Raul and asks:
– Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million $!
Eldest son thinks a little and replies:
– Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money. So yes, I would sleep.
Then daddy turns back to his youngest son Paul and explains him:
– You see, Paul, potentially we are sitting with multi-millionaires but in reality, we are sitting with two prostitutes and one gay…”
So, these are the best little johnny jokes especially little johnny jokes at school. I hope you have enjoyed it so for more jokes, keep visiting the Jokes Company.